Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Pippy Mail Tuesday!!! #7

With a slight delay due to the incompetence of a captor, Pippy Mail has finally arrived.

Hold onto your seats, grab a beer, smoke some catnip, and read on for the next Pippy Mail post!!!


Once again, thank you for the introduction.

As was just stated, Pippy mail was delayed due to a combination of issues:

1) My captor is fat
2) My captor is lazy

- and -

3) My captor has no brainstem.

When these forces are combined together, they are capable of delaying a Pippy Mail post minutes, hours or even days. But, we are back on the saddle now, and can get to the emails.


To gain additional Pippy knowledge, see the previous Pippy Mail posts by clicking the links below:


Now enough of the delays; let's get on to the questions!!!

Question #24
Mr. Pip!

Did you see Spiderman III? Would you recommend it?

- Graken


Do me a favor and kick both your parents in the balls for naming you "Graken".

Thanks.

With that being said, yes, I did in fact successfully escape from my prison and see the movie. There's not much to say that hasn't already been said on the various reviews posted all over the internet. I will say these two points about the movie, however:

Point #1 - The action scenes are incredible. Almost as awesome as my fabulously shiny and silky smooth coat of fur.

Point #2 - I would die a happy kitty if I never saw Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst cry on the movie screen again.

For my pal Tobsters, whenever a tear comes to his eye it looks like his head is about to explode... Either that, or he's trying to expel a very stubborn turd.

And for my "B", Kirstilicious, there is as much sympathy and sincerity in her tears as my last hairball.

Overall, I would give the movie two glorious paws up and one sloopy poop.


Question #25

Pippy -

You don't talk about the details of your captors too much. Will we ever hear from them?

Thank you!!!1
Melissa

I'll make this really quick Melissa, just like your boyfriend.

My captors can barely figure out which end goes on the toilet seat, let alone navigating through the vast knowledge available on the internet.

Will you ever hear from them?

hmmmmmmm.... maybe.

To be honest with you, I was seriously considering allowing the captors to be featured in one of the next Pippy Mails.

I'll keep you posted. All-in-all, I think it should be somewhat interesting.... unlike your boyfriend.

Question #26

Dear Pippin,

If you were born a human, who do you think you would you be?

Margaret, Nebraska


Margaret... your beautiful name rolls off my tongue like cottage cheese.

Though I must admit, Margy, this is an interesting question. To make this simple, let's just state two undeniable facts: #1, I'm awesome and #2, I rock.

With these facts, combined with my ridiculously advanced brain power, I think I can correctly deduce my human counterpart. Unfortunately, this human does not exist, but rather is a combination of current, living humans; I would be a some form or combination of Bill O'Reilly and Busta Rhymes.

They would call me "Busta Reilly"


Man.... I would get all the chicks.


Question #27

 Dear Pippy,

Don't you feel you are demeaning yourself with this constant begging? Also, I've been to (c)law school and could help you punish that bad man who posted those embarrassing videos on youtube.

Spitty-the-Kitty
P.S. I'm still a real boy. But not for long, I fear.


Spitty-the-kitty, my boy, thanks for the question. I have a few guesses as to why your nickname is "Spitty", but all of them are inappropriate to discuss here. Therefore, I'm going to refer to you as STK from here on out. Deal?

Okaly dokaly.... Do I feel I am demeaning myself with this constant begging? So, my friend, you have viewed the new video my captors created of me and all my fantastic glory.

(BTW - if you would like to view the video, click this link -----> I am so awesome, it hurts.)

Well, STK, you are assuming that I was begging. I feel now that it is important to point out that it was in fact the male captor whom created, edited and posted the video on youtube, not me. And as they say, "never judge a youtube video by the title that a male captor created".... or something along those lines.

It's easy to assume that I was begging in those videos, but really what I was doing was something more along the lines of mind control. My captor - bless his cheese filled heart - incorrectly assumed that his actions caused me to beg for whatever object he possessed. What you really were seeing, and he was experiencing, was a form of kitty hypnosis.

Seriously.... watch it again.

When you watch the video, look closely at my mouth. If you watch very carefully, and if you are observant enough you will notice that I am saying the words "Meeeeeeeeeew mew meooooowwww", which when roughly translated means "Give me that large jar of maynaise or I will claw your soft parts".

Do it Pippy Style!!

My goal for the video was to show how easily humans are manipulated by the powerful mind of a kitty. Unfortunately, my captor got to the editing and posting first and now everyone assumes that I am a "cute begging kitty".........



So once again, that wraps it up for another Pippy Mail Tuesday. Remember, send in your emails so you can be featured in next week's Pippy mail!

by Unknown

Labels: