Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Pippy Mail Tuesday!!! #8

He's awesome!
He's ridiculous!!
He's outrageos!!!
He even eats his own vomit!!!!

He's one sexy beast, and he's ready to answer your questions.

Once again it's another installment of Pippy Mail Tuesday!!



Quite the introduction this week... and I deserved every bit of it.



Some people may wonder whether it's difficult being so ridiculously awesome. Typically, I'll tell them "No", but in reality I do hurt inside sometimes. By itself, being hot n' sexy is difficult, but throw in some awesomeness and a huge brain combined with a dash of hardcore, and you've got a lot of "cool" crammed into a little kitty body.

I'm guess what I'm really trying to say is I rock.... I rock hardcore.


Anyways, let's get with the program. It's Pippy Mail Tuesday, and I have a few emails to answer. To gain additional Pippy knowledge, see the previous Pippy Mail posts by clicking the links below:


Now let's get on to the questions!!!

Question #28
Yo Pip!

Why do you eat your own vomit?

- The real King Awesome

King Awesome, huh? I think the real question is - why does your breath smell like poop salsa?

I think I'll call you Princess Poopsalsa instead. Has a nice ring to it, wouldn't you say?

Anyways, haven't I had this question before? Are you going to make me pad away at the large keyboard with my furry little paws? Are you really going to make this cute and helpless kitty do all that work???

.......... fine.

Ok Princess, here you go:

"Hey, I poop 3 times a day, so sometimes my backend needs a break, right? Also, it freaks out my captors, which is always a good thing."

I had to search through my archives to retrieve this post. In fact, it was from my very first experience with an online blog. You can read more about it here: My first posticle.


Question #29

Dear Pippy -

When are you going to make your next Pippy video and what will it be about?? I loved the other ones!!!!!!!! The begging one was soooooo cuute!!!1!!

I love you,
Jill



Dear Jill -

Please lay off the crack. You are a bit too excited about kitty videos.

I rock,
Pippy

P.S.
I don't want to guarantee anything but I will say that the next one or two Pippy videos will be released promptly in the next 4 weeks to 18 months. What will they be about? Well, the general theme will feature me and my glorious awesomeness with the supporting cast of my huge brain.

I hope this was specific enough for you.



Question #30

Dearest Pippy,

I am rather curious of how you obtained your super cat powers, and how I may come across such powers meself! What is the secret to your almighty greatness?

Sincerely your number one fan,
Sylvester the cat


Sylvester!! My dear friend, thank you for the question. I've always wanted to meet my number one fan. Now that I know, I can go back to humping my captor's leg in peace.

To address your question, part of me wishes I could say that I was born with these incredible abilities. Another part of me wishes I could say that I utilized my massively fantastic brain to genetically reengineer my DNA to allow for my ridiculous awesomeness. And yet still, another part of me wishes that right now I was eating a large bowl of cottage cheese.

But alas, none of these are the case.

My incredible abilities, admittedly and unfortunately, are anything but natural. These powers, a curse at first, were bestowed upon me by nothing more than mother nature.

Let me elaborate:

Similar to you, Sly Slyvy, I have a streak of fur across my nose that seems odd and out of place (but incredibly cute, if I don't say so myself). Until now, everyone that has come across my beautiful exterior has assumed that this fur streak was been with me since birth. They all assumed poorly.
Tonight, here on Pippy Mail Tuesday, let the truth be told:

As a young, free kitty, I was struck by a large bolt of lighting.

That's right: The 100 million Volts of lighting that should have killed me, in reality gave me these incredible powers instead. The heat alone should have instantaneously incinerated my little kitty body, but somehow I was capable of absorbing both the heat and energy. The ending result, of course, is me: pure awesomeness.

So Sylvester; all you need to do is get hit by a large bolt of lighting that carries ridiculously awesome powers and you will have the same abilities I carry oh so well.

Be careful my friend. With great power comes great responsibility.

Question #31

 Hello Pippy,

I am a Hairless Rat, my name is Rufus. I am in love with a Hairless Cat. She won't give me the time of day without drooling. How can I pursuade her that I am more than just a pice of meat?

Thanks in advance! Rufus Ratcliff, Ann Arbor Michigan

P.S. I have enclosed a few pictures of myself and of my lady love, Miss Tina.




Rufus.... huh??? What in god's name???

.......

give me a moment to collect myself... I nearly pooped all over myself when I read this email the first time.



Ok, all set.... I think.

First off, I don't know if I'm the best feline you should be talking to about your pussy predicament. (I'm referring to a female cat for those of you who just threw your bible at the screen)

I would like to point out that personally I'm a big fan of hair. I sniff it, I lick it, I eat it, I vomit it up, than I eat it again. Hell... if I could grow hair on my tongue, I would.

Secondly, history has proven time and time again that interspecies relationships do not tend to work out. Dogs have tried it with cats, and they have gotten severely mauled. Deer have tried it with horses and they have gotten trampled.... And humans have tried it with monkeys, and they got George Bush.

I just doesn't work.

Coincidently, I am able to predict the results of your potential courtship with Miss Tina. I recently have developed a complex algorithm utilizing a vast array of neural network relationships directly linked to a large toaster.

Unfortunately, this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

Therefore I will simply use my incredibly efficient brainpower to determine your offspring.

You both have a degree of cuteness that by itself seems to be harmless - at least on the surface. Although, if you were somehow successful in winning over the love of your Miss Tina, I'm afraid your offspring would look exactly like this:




So in summary my dear Rufus; For the sake of all that is holy, don't do it.


So once again, that wraps it up for another Pippy Mail Tuesday. Remember, send in your emails so you can be featured in next week's Pippy mail!

by Unknown

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