The Great Escape!
First off, let me apologize for the lack of internet activity I have been demonstrating as of late. I truly wish to keep you posted on my exciting adventures as a cat in human captivity, but nonetheless things may come up to prevent me from pawing poetry.
Specifically, the reason there has been little activity on the internet these past few days, is because I recently learned that my captors would be traveling to a little town called "New York City" for a vacation without me.
Can you believe the nerve of these humans?
Leaving without me?
I distinctly remember telling these captors to never leave the state without my permission!! In fact, I specifically remember saying "Meow mew mew Miarow meow meow!".
Well sure enough, as humans always do, they forgot.
Well, this little kitty, sans balls, wasn't having it!!
Last Wednesday when my captors were off being brainless, I snuck my little kitty body into their luggage; lodging myself between the male captor's cotton tubes and butt covers (humorously referred to as "Sox" and "Drawers").
As I knew it would, the plan worked flawlessly and I arrived in New York City without a hitch.
Overall, I must say I did have a good time. Without being discovered by my captors or their foolish - and quite odd looking - friends, I was able to see all of the sites and sounds the city had to offer.
Specifically, during my trip I was able to:
1) Visit Central Park,
2) Get completely inebriated on catnip,
3) Visit the temporary home of my heroes, the Teletubbies!!
To quote a male human, who said it well:
When I was hacking into my captors' digital camera, I came across these two pictures. Apparently both the female and the male (along with their friends) visited the Teletubby store when I wasn't there. Also, apparently they all are complete freaks, as the evidence below clearly indicates:
I have heard through the kibblesvine that the following picture will be posted on the Teletubby website called "Take the Teletubby test". I'll post a link to the posted picture tomorrow.
You can read about the pop-up store here: "Teletubbies Invade NY"- and finally -
4) visit the MoMA, or Museum of Modern Art.
It was here, at the MoMA (pronounced "Ssssskkk-rhspht") that I discovered the depths of human stupidity and unoriginality. My fellow felines, for those of you that have visited this Museum, I have a question..... What the hell is this??
Wow. I'm glad I paid twenty bucks of my hard earned cash to see three basketballs floating in a fish tank..... thank you.Anyways, for those of you who are familiar with my genre of art work, you can truly admire the skills and talents of a true artist. Regardless of my lack of thumbs, hands, or general ability to hold a paintbrush, I am still able to paint my dreams and aspirations. One of my most famous paintings is shown below:
Now that's talent!Now I'm sure you can guess my chagrin when I came across this painting predominantly hanging in a well trafficked area at the MoMA:
Look familiar?? Well, that's because it's nearly the exact same thing!!!Some guy called "Jackson Pollock" ripped off my art work!! This uncreative cotton-headed ninny-muggin copied my work, and sold it as his own.
Still not convinced? Pollock titled this piece "Lavender Mist", which is almost identical to my painting shown above called "Fine Droplets of Water That Smell Very Similar to a Lavender Plant During Summer".
Coincidence, I think not!
On another note, Jacksonpollock.org has a pretty cool interactive website.... even for cats. Simply go to the website, and begin to paint by moving your cursor around the screen, and clicking to change the colors of the paint.
In a matter of seconds, I was able to create this masterpiece:
This will be available immediately at a reasonable five million dollars.Cash only.
So in summary, I learned that New York is predominantly one big melting pot of hairy, ugly, stinky humans, which is always a recipe for disaster. As you read above, I visited and saw every nook-and-cranny that New York has to provide, and it stinks like poop. Nevertheless, I was able to have mykittyself a fantastic time. Thank you again Teletubbies.
- El Pippo Grande
